I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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