State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
