I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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