Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
