this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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