Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
