addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
