Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
