i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
