she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
