help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
