No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
