drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
