A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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