you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
