Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
