We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
