Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
