Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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