I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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