drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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