you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
