I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
did i walk over a car last night?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
