:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
