I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you made out with another girl for some wings
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
