Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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