I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
