Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
