Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
