so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
