MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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