Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
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Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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