I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
