i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I met the friendliest cop last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
