You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
