as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
