Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
