we have officially lost it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
