community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
