bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
