I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
