i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
