in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
