i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Welp...herpes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think a kid would responsible me up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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