no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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