What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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