she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
