I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
