I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
