I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
