I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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