He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
