I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
