ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
