Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
