Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
