so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
