I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
