i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
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You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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