And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
