i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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