I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
