Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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