im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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