My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
