i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize