you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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