having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
