I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
