Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
