Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
third nipple confirmed
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
