I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
