I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why did my mother make you get naked?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
