It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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