How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
