I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
