I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
