I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
